Yesterday, my fear told me death was an option to release myself from the depressing status.
Fear almost took my heart. Thank you to my love. He was unable to stop me to fear. But he gave me all he could to warm my heart. Although my heart is distant to him, or even to myself, he tries his best to support me. He is the one I don't wanna see tears from his eyes most.
Today, I step forward. I start working. Working is slow. It takes me some time to be concentrated. After working for 1 or 2 hours, I realize it is too late to cook our dinner. My love knows me I love Subway. We bought 2 sandwiches to-go. We suddenly wanna had the dinner outdoor. We found a large grassland near Miller theatre outdoor area in Hermann Park. Tonight there is a symphony performance there. We have a long time not to go to any concert. And we never know that we both love the sound of Cello. What a surprise!
God, thank you for giving me such a good husband. Thank you for unexpected romantic dinner tonight. Thank you for the breeze of summer.
Fear, I'm here to fight.
2011年6月30日 星期四
2011年5月9日 星期一
Conversation with a friend
"If it is already past, there is no use to hook on it. Why not stepping out the comfort zone?"
She is not a brave woman, but a woman willing to learn from life. She was raised in a small Island in the Pacific Ocean. Her home country is not her home. She lost the time spending with her family and friends becasue of her mission. Maybe because of all it, she learned the only way to survive is to step forward, even it is painful and there would be lots of nights with tears. When she shared her experience to me, she was like talking about someone else's issue. I guess she has already found a position to put herself in.
Yesterday monring, a song recalled me lots of memories. The song I used to sing with my friends. We were always together. But as time past, they were no longer by my side. Suddenly I realize, if there is "friendship forever", it's a bonus to life. You can't earn it. When you lose it, don't be surprise. It is not a "problem". It is just the life should be. And you will find new friends, have new adventures with them. And they will inspire you the other side of the world.
Staying in comfort zone is safe. But the zone will rotten someday, like the book "Who stole my cheese?" said. It is not someone stole the cheese. The cheese will be all gone someday. So speaking to myself, go adventure. Find new cheese. There are thousands kind of cheese out there. You will know Chevre, Gruyere, Cheddar, Mozzarella and Blue Stilton, instead looking at the empty box once full of Parmensan. (Btw, Camembert is my favourite now.)
My favourite quote from that book: "What will you do if you are not scared?"
She is not a brave woman, but a woman willing to learn from life. She was raised in a small Island in the Pacific Ocean. Her home country is not her home. She lost the time spending with her family and friends becasue of her mission. Maybe because of all it, she learned the only way to survive is to step forward, even it is painful and there would be lots of nights with tears. When she shared her experience to me, she was like talking about someone else's issue. I guess she has already found a position to put herself in.
Yesterday monring, a song recalled me lots of memories. The song I used to sing with my friends. We were always together. But as time past, they were no longer by my side. Suddenly I realize, if there is "friendship forever", it's a bonus to life. You can't earn it. When you lose it, don't be surprise. It is not a "problem". It is just the life should be. And you will find new friends, have new adventures with them. And they will inspire you the other side of the world.
Staying in comfort zone is safe. But the zone will rotten someday, like the book "Who stole my cheese?" said. It is not someone stole the cheese. The cheese will be all gone someday. So speaking to myself, go adventure. Find new cheese. There are thousands kind of cheese out there. You will know Chevre, Gruyere, Cheddar, Mozzarella and Blue Stilton, instead looking at the empty box once full of Parmensan. (Btw, Camembert is my favourite now.)
My favourite quote from that book: "What will you do if you are not scared?"
2011年5月3日 星期二
Kiss fear goodbye
太多 - 陳綺貞 listen
喜歡一個人孤獨的時刻
但不能喜歡太多
在地鐵站或美術館
孤獨像睡眠一樣鍡養我
以永無止盡的墬落
需要音樂取暖
喜歡一個人孤獨的時刻
但不能喜歡太多
喜歡一個喝著紅酒的女孩
在下雨音樂奏起的時候
把她送上鐵塔給全世界的人寫明信片
像一隻鳥在最高的地方 歌聲嘹亮
喜歡一個喝著紅酒的女孩
但不能喜歡太多
喜歡一個陽光照射的角落
但不能喜歡太多
是幼稚園的小朋友
笑聲像睡眠一樣打擾我
我們輕輕的揮一揮手
凝結照片的傷口
我喜歡一個陽光照射的角落
但不能喜歡太多
喜歡一個人孤獨的時刻
但不能喜歡 太多
Love to be alone. Loneliness is safe. Time is stopped when no one is around. Only me and myself. Only fear is hunting me. Only me is shrinking.
No, He's here too. He's always with me.
I told Him thousand times that I wanna stop the fear controlling me. My life is paralyzed. I stop painting for years. It was the best thing I enjoyed before. I stop enjoying photo-taking and writing lyrics too. The girl in the mirror, who are you?
Don't know when my fear began. But for sure I'm the one who created it.
"Your fear is a part of you. So kicking it is like kicking yourself.(To read more: http://www.fluentself.com/blog/habits/talking-truth-to-fear/)
You created it. Almost like kicking something you gave birth to.
You created it for a reason. It’s useful to find out what that is.
To protect you from stuff that is dangerous and bad for you. That’s a very legitimate reason.
Right now this protection mechanism isn’t working. Because this fear is paralyzing you instead of protecting you.
It’s not working because your fear — aka your desire to keep yourself safe — is preventing you from moving forward on the things you truly want to do. Exactly.
Instead of kicking fear, you can dissolve it. It can kick back, but it can’t dissolve *you*.
The only way to get the fear to dissolve is to interact with it. Just like you, it wants to be noticed and cared for.
Your fear needs to know that you are taking steps to keep yourself safe. So give it some reassurance."
Thanks to the writer Havi. Let me know there are hundred of people who feel just like me. And they can step forward, so do I.
OK, fear, thank you for protecting me from harm. It's time for you to retire. There will be no war. Go home.
God, I know You will give me power to do everything.
Let my life starts again at this second.
My renaissance
It has been 3 or 4 years not writing anything.
Why I wanna start doing it again, is to keep my memory fresh, mark the moments historical, and to leave footprints even time is like flushing toilet. This blog, starts today, is also my renaissance.
I don't know who will read it. Maybe you will find something familiar. Thank you for reading every word from my heart.
Why I wanna start doing it again, is to keep my memory fresh, mark the moments historical, and to leave footprints even time is like flushing toilet. This blog, starts today, is also my renaissance.
I don't know who will read it. Maybe you will find something familiar. Thank you for reading every word from my heart.
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